I'm Gatsby.

Upon reading The Great Gatsby for the tenth time and watching the film for the second time, I came to a conclusion (and it's not that I am not one of the only honest people I know): I'm Gatsby.

When I was a junior in high school, we read The Great Gatsby and everyone had to make a poster comparing him/herself to one of the characters. Being 16/17 years old, we didn't realize that we could choose a character of the opposite gender, so all the girls but one chose Jordan Baker and most of the guys chose Nick. Memorably, Trevor chose Tom and put a picture of himself with two waitresses at Hooter's on his posterboard and said "Tom had his ladies and I've got my Hooter's girls" during his in-class presentation. I, like most of the girls, chose Jordan Baker because I, like most people, didn't realize how shallow and, frankly, annoying Jordan was upon the first reading. (Fitzgerald is a genius. People like Jordan generally come off as interesting and you just get sick of them over time.)

While reading the book most recently, however, I realized that Gatsby had it right. I'm not into illegal trade, but I do try to give off the aura of being less small-town than I am and believe I'm destined for greatness. Unlike Gatsby, I'm not going to get stuck with some long-lost love. I'm not going to be derailed. This all sounds very stuck-up, but I'm watching all my friends graduate and settle and I don't want to do that. I'm terrified of that, and I always have been.

It's difficult for people to fall neatly into fictional characters, and Gatsby is by no means a perfect fit. (Although I've known a Daisy or two in my time.) All I know is that I'm not going to give up and move home at the end of a long summer. (Figuratively. Literally I'm going to do just that, but I'm moving to Germany afterwards.)

I'm going to hope. I'm not going to smash up people and things and lives. I'm not going to lie and be careless. I'm going to hope.